Deschooling: The Struggle is REAL (Part 2)

Today, I will wrap up the previous post on deschooling. 

Many people assume that I think homeschool should totally replace public schooling and they would be wrong. While I believe homeschooling would benefit every child, not every adult is equipped, willing or able to teach their children. The parent-child relationship is challenging enough without the extra pressure that homeschooling can bring.

You, however, have done the gut check and determined that you can do this. And I would not do what I do, if I did not believe you could, too. What were your thoughts as you reviewed the principles of Public and Home Schooling side by side? When you think about the mindset and behaviors you were taught alongside the 3 R’s (reading, writing and ‘rithmetic), do you feel they served you well? What are you motivated to do about it?

The phases I am about to share are my personal thoughts on how to productively deschool.

Decompression - this first phase of deschooling can feel euphoric and unsettling at the same time. It is sinking in that YOU are free to decide what, where, when and how to teach! 

• You can teach 5 days a week or 3, for four hours a day or two. 

  • You can teach late morning or early evening. 

  • Your school year can start in August or October. 

• You can teach in your home or at the park,  at the library or at the local cafe. 

• You can teach the Alphabet People to your 8 year old who still struggles with letter recognition,  

  • Teach microeconomics to your 12 year old number-crunching genius, or 

  • Write a Constitution rap or teach Scientific Method by playing Chess. YES! Chess! 

That level of freedom is amazing but it requires responsibility and discipline to be functional. If you are prone to analysis paralysis or procrastination, this might be overwhelming. Furthermore, if humility is not your strong suit, this phase just got harder for you because you will need help to leverage the flexibility of homeschooling.  

How to proceed: 

• Connect with a support group and/or an experienced Parent Educator. 

• Understanding why you are homeschooling is critical. I am not speaking about what happened, but why that action led you to homeschooling. Take a moment and write it down.

Transition - this next phase of deschooling is where you take action towards change.  Your mind will naturally want to fall back on the familiar ways of schooling and may even grieve this paradigm shift. Acknowledge your feelings because they hold clues to the source of your discomfort, however, do not act on them, especially if they are negative. Trust that you have made the right decision.   

How to proceed: 

• Refer to your homeschool “why” often to keep you motivated.  

• Give yourself the following gifts:

    Patience - you are creating a new normal while you are in motion. That takes time and practice. As you practice being kind and patient with yourself, you are modeling it for your child.  

Focus on Family - it is tempting to look at what other parents are doing, but your family is unique. Glean ideas from them, but do not copycat or compare your progress to theirs. Nothing good comes from comparison. Many people will have opinions and expectations about what you should do, but they are most likely based on the same schooling model you are working hard to replace.

Humility - Turn to your support people. They understand and can help you keep your momentum. There is nothing wrong with needing help, but there is everything wrong with needing help and not asking for it.     

    Self-Care - this is necessary. You are body, mind and soul and none of those realms exist in a vacuum. By nurturing your body and spirit, you are actually strengthening your mental effort. Stay hydrated, well-nourished and well

rested. Feed your spirit with sentiments that inspire hope and minimize fear of the unknown.

• Give your child the following gifts: 

    Time to recover from a high-pressure, performance-based environment. Allow them to rediscover what they like, what they are curious about, their strengths and capabilities. Take a break from being busy and rewarding performance over curiosity. I am not suggesting a complete separation from responsibility. Honoring time commitments, chores and family routines are mainstays. I am suggesting that when it comes to school, that you have exchanges with your child that respect their view point and requests for how and what they would like to learn.   

    Safe Space to wonder, play, explore and fail without judgment.

    Opportunity + Preparation = Success. Deschooling prepares you and your child for success by restoring your autonomy and agency. Providing opportunities for your child to use their voice and show what they can do will empower them for years to come. Keep up with what is happening in your local and virtual communities. Get them involved. Freedom is the greatest homeschool benefit you have. Use it.

Deschooling is not optional. Whether intentional or not, you will make adjustments to the way of schooling. However, mindfully leaning into the process will change your focus from what you are giving up to what you are gaining. 

The world our children are inheriting is dynamic and rapidly advancing, yet it is also losing its capacity and compassion for humanity. Howard Thurman once said,  "Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." Deschooling is one way to ensure your child is ready to take on the world and change it for the better.